grandma shit on top of the toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
