i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
wow bdsm is so cute
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
