Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
