Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
