my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
