ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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