Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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