After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
