No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
