I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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