I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
