just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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