This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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