I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
