True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
