I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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