Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
