i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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