they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
