i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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