I murdered the dance floor call the cops
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
