sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
no you cant smoke seaweed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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