we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
