shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
