I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
