cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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