I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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