THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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