thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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