So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
