ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
