I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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