Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
