Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
