With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
