Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
