Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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