That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
