dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
