bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
