So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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