I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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