I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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