I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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