I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
