Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
