It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
