i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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