I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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