Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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