I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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