we're blogging at a bar
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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