Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
