I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
