the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
