What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
