Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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