Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
