i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
