I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
