true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
