For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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