Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize