Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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