susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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