The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
