im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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