Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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