Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize