god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
