is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
