I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
