Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize