So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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