it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
