No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
