Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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