Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
