The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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